At work. Listening to Christmas Movies that I love on You Tube. They have entire movies on there. My phone buffers, but I need the uplift from these movies I have loved from my childhood. They take me back. One of my favorites…The Homecoming (The Waltons). They don’t put that on any more. I don’t know why, but I have ALWAYS loved it. I may be one of the few that does.
I get so sad this time. of year. Eleven more days and it will be be the anniversary of my mother’s passing. I don’t think I have ever quite recovered from that. I wonder if anyone does.
I worked last night. Interesting as always. I stay so tired. 70-80 hours a week. Seven days a week. I wonder at times how I am standing.
My older sister told me I seemed flat. Not happy. What is happy? How do you define true happiness? It seems fleetings. It’s moments but it’s not a forever feeling. At least not for me.
I stopped at my friend Debbi’s last night. Had a nightcap. It was 10:30. i didn’t tell the man I live with that I stopped. I have no ME time. I needed a ‘moment’ . I don’t generally do anything like that.
I’m in constant pain. Daily. I am tired. Daily. I am sad. Daily. I think …what can I do to make things better? I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep. Therapy hasn’t really helped. I decided to “blog” but this is more like my on-line journal. I am just putting it out there trying to get things off my chest. Praying.