Another Day

At work.  Listening to Christmas Movies that I love on You Tube. They have entire movies on there.  My phone buffers,  but I need the uplift from these movies I have loved from my childhood.  They take me back.  One of my favorites…The Homecoming (The Waltons).  They don’t put that on any more.  I don’t know why, but I have ALWAYS loved it.  I may be one of the few that does.

I get so sad this time. of year.  Eleven more days and it will be be the anniversary of my mother’s passing.  I don’t think I have ever quite recovered from that.  I wonder if anyone does. 

I worked last night.  Interesting as always.  I stay so tired. 70-80 hours a week. Seven days a week. I wonder at times how I am standing. 

My older sister told me I seemed flat.  Not happy.  What is happy?  How do you define true happiness?  It seems fleetings. It’s moments but it’s not a forever feeling.  At least not for me.

I stopped at my friend Debbi’s last night.  Had a nightcap.  It was 10:30.  i didn’t tell the man I live with that I stopped.  I have no ME time. I needed a ‘moment’ .  I don’t generally do anything like that. 

I’m in constant pain. Daily.  I am tired.  Daily.  I am sad.  Daily.  I think …what can I do to make things better?  I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep.  Therapy hasn’t really helped.  I decided to “blog” but this is more like my on-line journal.  I am just putting it out there trying to get things off my chest.  Praying. 

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